There is nothing wrong with a basic crop top and matching skirt set for the club except that it’s exactly that, basic. When the same look is advertised on The Shade Room’s sponsored ~fashion~ Instagrams every day, it’s time to step it up.
Dressing for the club can be complex in that you want to be sexy yet not mistaken for a legit escort, edgy yet not so much that you have a wardrobe malfunction in front of Steve Aoki and go viral in a bad way. When you want to look chicer than your friends on top of all of that, it becomes a near-impossible quandry.
Fortunately, I have a couple of tried-and-true combinations for #tablelife that I am happy to recommend. Read on to find out how to slay your next Saturday night:
1) Bag full of chips, we ain’t talking Ruffles [except we are]
Just about everyone and their mom owns that off-the-shoulder shirt with ruffles by now. In fact, I’m literally wearing one right now. It’s the perfect brunch outfit or lazy club look. But since we are talking A+ attire, it’s time to elevate the ruffle to an elegant shift dress style.
Literally 8 hot girls pulled me aside when I wore this to ORA to ask me where it was from. Forget King Solomon, a lithe sorority sister from ASU named Juli-with-an-I is our trendspotting oracle of wisdom.
[Dress by MGSM]
The trick with this look is to keep the fit skin tight so it still looks sexy in spite of the longer length. You can also match it with a statement belt and shoes to keep it from veering into Mom territory (i.e. gold Moschino or Hermes belt and rainbow or metallic Rockstuds will keep it very nightclub-not-country-club). Because I am a ~low-budget betch~, I paired it with my old BCBG heels and CdG wallet clutch.
[Similar MGSM yellow/orange version here]
I also love this $38 Asos version with a Set-worthy slit here:
2) Put the bass in ya walk, head to toe, make your whole jumpsuit talk
Jumpsuits are such a bitch to pee in, but the right one looks incredibly ~fierce~. Thus, I find myself repeatedly wearing them even though finding one which flatters my short, thicc legs is a quasi-Herculean task.
My favorite one that I’ve ever worn is by Rachel Zoe, of course.
I’ve also worn the dress version of this style, but the jumpsuit is even chicer. It sold out on Gilt and Nordstrom Rack already, but if you join Rent the Runway, you can buy or rent it there. It runs prettyyyy small (also of course)… I went up 2 full sizes for optimal fit.
That said, once you accept that you’re wearing a size which mirrors the number of children in a Midwestern evangelical Christian household, you can skip the Spanx, because the thicker material mostly sucks you in.
Another jumpsuit I really like is this Halston Heritage option. It nips you in at the smallest part of your waist and the neckline is extremely flattering, hiding that ugly part between your boob and underarm, while also allowing you to tape out your boobs for more cleavage than a geology convention. The rest of the look is streamlined and sensible, giving you that ideal alluring balance of 90% Bond Girl, 10% bondage enthusiast.
If you’re one of those lucky 1%-ers with 1% body fat, why not try out this Pucci playsuit for your next party? As anyone who has ever contemplated just dying on the spot instead of doing another round of Russian twists at Barry’s can attest to, the stomach fat below your navel is the hardest and most painful to get rid of. If you have managed to achieve this awe-inspiring body transmorgifaction, make every woman over the age of 17 feel insecure by modeling this garment at GoldBar.
If you can’t pay the equivalent of more than half a month’s rent for Pucci, why not check out an equally luxurious fine retailer, Siempre Venti Y Uno?
I wore this F21 earth-toned jumpsuit last time I went to LIV, so I could accessorize with my favorite OTT gilded accessories and pretend I am a long-lost/wayward/Miami-based castmember of ~Growing Up Gotti~.
It was comfortable, complimentary, and best of all, cost less than an acai bowl+bottled water combo. The exact style isn’t available on the F21 website anymore, but this $15 nude option is a nice dupe, once you remove all of the tacky black accessories.
3) If I were a boy…
One of the coolest ways to make a lacy black slip dress or ultra-short mini look cool is to add a boyish element to counterbalance.
In honor of Jenna Lyons’s announced departure from J.Crew, steal a flannel like this from your boyfriend or brother, and wear it open over your favorite LBD.
[I wish I still had this 2012-era rhinestone-emblazoned flannel from Zara]
[Reappropriating my friend’s flannel in West Hollywood]
You can also get a lot of really cool flannel or other oversized menswear pieces from vintage stores and secondhand stores like Goodwill.
One of my favorite pieces in my closet is this men’s motorcycle jacket that I got at a vintage store in Tokyo for the equivalent of about $30USD. I only wore it once ever, a year and a half ago, because it literally weighs 35 lbs which makes it difficult to travel with, and it’s never cold enough to wear it here. I can’t wait to live in a cooler climate which lends itself more to versatile androgynous-chic outerwear like this piece, as endless, strapless bandage dresses get old quick.